the happiest place on earth
there is this bar
(i never liked bars much)
it is a haven or was for a time
for a friend
who tried to share it
with lava walls
drooping mirror balls
but i never liked bars much
so there's this other bar
(and i never liked bars much)
it is a haven for some
and this gurl went to see it
with grimy floors
and beautiful people
and she was one
and it made her remember
things
and it made her feel
things
and she had to stop and wonder
who she was
the definition, very like old words
written by the first gurl
(who never liked bars much)
when read aloud
they sounded different
still so true for both gurls
for different reasons
and it made her adjust
things
and it made her evaluate
things
and she didn't have to say
'i am she'
she didn't like bars much
she forgot to notice
she didn't seem the same much
and squirmed in her skin
she started to relax some
she started to believe
but she never liked bars much

heat
the heat makes me think of
bubble gum and
bright colored candy
the color white
small plastic toys
and music that bounces . . .
makes me smile til my
lips are dry and
unwilling to stop . . .
makes me brave.

the heat makes me think of
cool sweet ice on my tongue
hot wind on my belly and
the shade of blue that makes you yearn
and somehow i end up nearly sitting
perched aloof, just off the ground
knowing i won't recall
a word i say . . .
because it is just so pure . . .
and hoping i'm right
and the smell of asphalt

the heat makes me think of
standing on the edge and
laughing until i ache

Hey, Look At Me
I can't seem to get your attention,
Or so you don't say, though I
Try so hard to communicate honestly
Within these walls.
I've thrown open my soul again
And yet again and still you don't even blink.
But, really, what if I really do
Have something to say that you'd
Recognize
Criticize
Martyrize
Trivialize
Idolize . . .
Or something.

It's not just that I want
To belong to your world,
That just sounds too trite.
And it's more than that . . .
I want your insights into all
I have the guts to share with a stranger
I want to learn all there is,
But mostly about the person
You see me trying to
Amplify
Personify
Justify
Belie
Satisfy . . .
Or something.

home
i was always aware
acutely aware of ancient
passionate magik
easily shrouding me
wrapping my lost soul in
beauty and pain unspeakable.
love and heat on bright wet nights
soft ethereal words
in heavy fragrance
the songs of the dead
whispering me wisdoms long ignored
carrying me along dark streets
floating in hot loud crowds of the faithful
and devout to the light and flesh.
narrow streets shield the real color
from the wearing rays of the world,
in dark dusty parlors you can
learn your whole life, perhaps.
deep spice scents remind me of
things i'd never seen
or known
and i was home.

Homecoming Queen
Homecoming Queen
You're not so pretty.
Up close you stink,
Maybe you're all dirty
Like us down inside.
Rotting and dying
With something to hide.
Do your eyes ache from crying?

When the heavy petting is
Over and all the sweating
Has finally stopped,
Was that little death
Or last lying breath
Really worth the trip?

Sorority Sister
With your Jackie K. mask.
Needing a mister
To sniff-up your ass.
Keep up the façade,
Show us your bliss.
Abhor the mob
That feels like this.

horoscopes for crazy people
i'm gonna have to find horoscopes for crazy people . . .

"the voices are rowdy today, so relax and keep the TV on . . .

the strange growth that appeared when you changed meds will be lanced this week, worry no more about it . . .

you almost had a friend last night but they got scared of you, so back to lonely you go . . .

today is a family day, remember that and take your time polishing the gun, but remember to leave it at home, the holidays are no time for wholesale slaughter . . .

there is always one more dark place to hide in, so you have something to look forward to . . .

never make yourself crazy over the actions of the sane . . . .

you're feeling the moon's pull so hold onto something tight . . .

don't make any rash decisions, cuz those are the ones that fuck you all up . . .

yes, the world sucks, but you have an out, you're delusional, so stop whining and go play with something shiny . . .

that kind of thing . . .

hot smoke
hot smoke
only friend
making my
heartbeat slow
release the
chains around
my chest
that's too
big for
it's britches.
so everyone's
staring as
the light
gets white
like the
hot smoke
i'm a
slave to
it's better
than chemicals
cooked in
a lab.
i won't
be synthesized
like that
to fit
the perky
mold you
made. my
hair
is ratty
but my
hips too
big and
still with
my womanhood
jutting out
this way
they still
call me
a boy.