Quintessential What If

What if the abuse had never happened?
I would be nothing that I am now.
I would never have been the outsider, and would not feel at home there now.
I only wrote when I was hurting, I would not be a poet.
I would not have had only myself to rely on, I would be a hollow shell.

I would have bought into any ideology that came along, I would not be a free thinker.

My nightmares would not have tried to kill me, I would not be a productive insomniac.

I would not have learned distrust, I would be a target.
Never knowing severe pain, I would not now be so happy.
I took it out on myself, I would not be scarred.
Being a hollow shell, I would not have so much to share.
Never knowing fear, I would never have the chance to know peace.
If I had had someone to talk to, I wouldn't have picked up that pen.